i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
