We should be called the Road Head Warriors
handjob tips. give me some.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
