Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
