get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
