either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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