The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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