Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
