He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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