yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
