im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
