Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
