I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
