I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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