I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I came so hard my ears popped.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
