Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
