I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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