But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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