Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
