Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
