he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
