maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
