In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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