Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
