careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
