wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
