My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
