PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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