Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
