So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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