Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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