erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
