Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
