I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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