the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
