batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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