Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
