he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
