Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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