hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
