I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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