i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
