A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
