she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
