do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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