two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We're too hungover to prance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
