I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm jealous of your bromance
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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