if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
