my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
