he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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