I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
