Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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