dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
